“I just don’t know what to do,” Cassie tells Jill over lunch in their favorite café. Jill had recently decided that she would be grateful for something every day. Today, she is grateful that she has a self-absorbed best friend, because as long as Cassie talks, Jill does not have to think or answer questions about her own dilemma.
“I had it all figured out. I was going to pick Joe. Afterall, it was Joe who had made me believe in soul mates. We used to have these moments…, and I know the cynic inside of you will cringe when you hear this, but the only way I can describe it is magical. So I was getting ready to call Joe, and all of a sudden the phone rings, and it was Max.”
“What did Max want?”
“He called to invite me to spend a weekend in a beach house with him. I had told him on our last two dates how I always fantasized about having a secluded romantic weekend at the beach, and his proposal made me think that even though I had so much love for Joe, perhaps I could have even more love for Max. Not to mention Max’s actions have never caused me to sit in my bed, crying my eyes out, while eating 3-day old popcorn. Surely he should get some bonus points for that.”
“So you are leaning towards Max now.”
“I don’t know….When I was in highschool there was this girl, Marci, who always had at least three guys in love her. She used to complain about how difficult it was for her to choose a boyfriend. I used to think that it was her way of modestly bragging about all the attention she had from guys. From my standpoint, a girl who had trouble getting attention from even one guy, I could not understand how anyone could complain about having an entire harem in love with them. However, now that I’m sorta of in the same situation, I can understand where Marci was coming from. Having to choose between two great guys is a very difficult task.”
Cassie sighs, and looks piercingly at Jill. “I’m sorry Jill. I’ve just been blabbing about myself. Have you made your choice between the new lover and the paperless husband?”
Jill ponders about Cassie’s question before answering. She thinks of Scott and how electrifying his kisses are. She remembers his strong hearty laugh, a laugh she hears every time she tells him a joke. She remembers the intense way he looks at her whenever she tells him something. As if she is telling him the secret of the universe. Jill inadvertently thinks of Tony. She recalls how warm his body feels when she gets into bed at night. She remembers coming home from work, in a foul mood, because her boss and her coworkers had come up with a conspiracy to annoy her. Tony had been home, and he had made such entertaining comments about her coworkers, that by the end of the evening, in between giggles, she swore to Tony that she could not understand where her bad mood had disappeared to. She imagines Tony’s ears twitching if he finds out about Scott, the way they always twitch when Tony is disappointed because of her. Jill tells Cassie ” I have no idea who I am going to pick,” and this is the first time Jill had been honest about her situation.
“It’s difficult choosing between and an exciting new love and a comfortable old love,” Cassie says supportively. “That’s not the issue for me,” Jill replies. ” I know who I want. I want Scott. However, I do not know If I love Scott enough to deal with the guilt of breaking Tony”s heart.