Part 29: Jill is Honest

Jill remembers the day she realized she loved Tony. It happened on a cold Tuesday afternoon, and that day Jill had been walking to a coffee shop to meet Tony. The chilly wind was blowing through her hair, and it caused goosebumps to appear on her neck. It was one of those days that was still considered summer, but the winds of fall had begun visiting. Jill had worn a summer outfit that day, and now that her bare legs and arms felt like ice, she was cursing everything in the world that she had left her jacket at home. When she arrived at the coffee shop, Tony was already there, and he was holding a blue jean jacket in his hands. “I brought this for you,” he said. “I knew you would not be dressed appropriately in this weather.” Jill put on the jacket on and felt warm both outside and inside her body. She knew that any man who knew her so well was a keeper.

When Jill was contemplating whether to have an affair with Scott, she would often recall this day. Tony’s jackets still protected her from the outside cold, but they had lost their ability to warm her insides. She wondered why this was. She still felt that it was important to be with a man who knew and understood her, but she no longer felt that it was enough. Although she could pinpoint the day when she knew she wanted to marry Tony, Jill had no idea what day she had changed her mind.

Jill snaps back to reality, and back to the first fight Tony and her have had in over a year. Except it’s not really a fight. Tony is berating her, and she is agreeing. She did cheat, she was selfish, she only thought about herself, and she is a liar. Tony is being harsh, but she deserves it. If Tony had cheated on her during the days when she would have cared, she would have thrown plates and forks at him(maybe even the ugly glass vase his mother gave them for a housewarming present). She would have cursed him, cursed his friends, and probably would have insulted his brother. Tony is simply stating facts about her, harsh sounding facts, but true ones.

All of the sudden she feels very tired. She wants this conversation to be over, and she wishes she was lying under her covers. “Do you even want to be with me,” Tony asks. Jill knows she should be diplomatic; she owes that to the man who always made sure she had a jacket on windy days. However, she is exhausted and she wants this discussion to end, so she replies honestly, “no, I don’t want to be with you anymore.”

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